LIFESTYLE: TEN WAYS TO DIE YOUNG

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[Lifestyle]–Do you really think it’s stressful to abide with the rules of living a healthy long life?
Then you might want to consider these easy ways to have ill health and die young (read on if interested!)

{See, these ways are excellent and in case you end up not killing yourself, no one will charge you for attempted murder…thank us later.}

BE A CHAIN SMOKER

Smoke at least a packet of cigarettes daily. You are to be inviting all forms of cancers. The popular one which is lung cancer. You know what? As you light a stick of cigarette, you are reducing ten years out of your lifetime. Simple, isn’t it?

SIT FOR MORE THAN ELEVEN HOURS DAILY

Yes, be very serious with your work. Never take a break when it is needed. Just be by your computer eleven hours everyday and your chances to die in the next three years is guaranteed by 40 percent.

DO NOT EAT VEGETABLES AND FRUITS

vegetables and fruits contains essential vitamins and minerals your body needs to stay healthy. And staying healthy is out of the schedule, if you want to die. Besides, it stressful to always have to remember to eat vegetables and fruits daily and some are not even delicious.

INFURIATE A FIGHTING BULL

This a slightly fast option. Just get a fighting bull angry and let’s see what happens after the chase!

STRESS OVER LITTLE THINGS OR NOTHING AT ALL

You know the rules have always been: take life simple and take things easy. Please do not do this if you want to die young. Get angry over everything. Stress your muscles and fragile heart over things you know can be easily resolved. Nervous breakdown is knocking on your door

NEVER EXERCISE

This is far too much of a work for you. Please drive to a distance you know you can walk. Use the lift, when you can use the stairs. Avoid any form of exercise. You will be able to store enough fat to make you obese.

MAKE WATER YOUR ENEMY AND ALCOHOL YOUR FRIEND

Alcohol is one of the easy to get drugs around. Ignore water and take lots of alcohol. Drink it after breakfast, launch and dinner. First , enjoy its immediate effect of vomiting, dizziness and hangover. We can, later, be taking about brain shrinkage, vision problems, liver damage and eventual death.

SLEEP IS FOR THE LAZY MAN RIGHT?

The hard working man is always up at night strategizing on how to improve his business and make more money, but the body suffers. The cumulative effect of not having a good sleep is good enough to make you die.

EAT LOTS OF FAST FOOD

Yes, consume the fat stricken fast food.
It’s fast to eat and it get you killed faster. It’s that simple!

TAKE A BREAK AND GO TO KENYA GAME RESERVE

This is very fast but it is in process. Take a break, go to Kenya game reserve. Get a fat lap of meat, hang it around your belt and run in front of that hungry Lion. Don’t worry, others will tell the story on your behalf.

Do you have a bad or dangerous habit? Have you considered the later implications?

If not, please do and change for the best!

Have a healthy lifestyle!

PS.

WRITE A POEM ABOUT YOUR WISH TO DIE YOUNG

Have you heard about a poet called Dr. Raphael Ernest Grail Armattoe? Well, he wrote a poem titled, “The Way I Would Like to Die” Below is an excerpt:

This is the way I’d like to go,

If you must know.

I would like to go while still young,

While the dew is wet on the grass;

To perish in a great air crash,

With a silver ‘plane burning bright

Like a flashing star in the night;

While the huge wreckage all ablaze,

Shines brightly for my last embrace

I’d like to see the flames consume

Each nerve and bone and hair and nail,

Till of dust naught but ash remains.

Or as stone, swiftly sink unseen.

Guess what, he actually died young! Who knows, you might try your luck too!




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