By: Ezekiel Adewale Fatomilola
[Analyses]–Deborah had in the process drifted to depression, for hours she would think and cry and did chores dejectedly. She had remained unkempt for days, with the husband having no understanding what her woman had been facing. Her only consolation was the TV she had to watch all day and slept when no electricity supply. His darling husband’s interpretation however had instead been “LAZINESS” “TOO COMFORTABLE TO THINK” Yet, the insensitive man had no idea he had lost his wife to depression and soon might be making his kids motherless.
She rarely had time for her kids and wallowed her life in sorrowful thoughts. “May be I should have taken the scholarship that came my way five years ago, at least I would have done something productive to my career” May be by now, I would not have taken such a job in the first place” “Imagine being faced with the stain of dismissal at this early stage.” “Perhaps, I could have married Desmond that year, that very caring guy, in fact his cares were repeatedly shunned, he had spoilt me with gift and I was too blind to see his extraordinary big heart of love. “May be by the time I was giving birth to Iyunade, it would have been in Canada as the wife had their first child” “Mthcheew, what a wasteful choice” Her wailing wouldn’t stop, her second child had also wept till she fell asleep on the couch. She hadn’t breastfed her all day.
Of course, as usual Bankole wouldn’t come until mid-night, drunk to stupor. At about the time she will be trying to get some sleep all day, he would start what would eventually wake neighbors and the whole community up. Nag till the wife is woken up and they begin to exchange words till eventually leads to wrestling. This also, is of course a normal trend in the marriage and the kids are used to it. Both Iyunade and Feyisara will cry all night as the Abeokuta born graduate was already in the habit of beating his wife till she bleeds.
One can tell how dissatisfied Deborah is with the marriage, but she dares not file for divorced as the mother had always told her that none has ever occurred in her lineage and she can’t afford such embarrassment.
We can go on and on to narrate the ordeals this uncaring man made the woman and of course the children go through. It was evident someone was playing Deborah’s role outside their marriage. For no reason, he would just come home nagging because his heart cannot love two women at the same time. This had made his fatherly role suffer. He no longer cares for the kids like he used to do.
You see, if your spouse stops loving you, it is not because of someone who he is cheating with out there is using “jazz”, rather it is because you have not been paying attention to certain things that made you magical like you have always been. No until you start using the magic wand again, someone who uses out there will shut his mind off the marriage you have spent years nurturing.
Let me also set the records straight, you already admit she is better than you if you give her the pleasure of making her know you are aware she is into your man. In fact, it’s a lost battle if you ever confronted her for it. I feel your pulse and sure know your pain. Your man mostly is no longer playing his roles is not solely because the other woman is present, I can even bet you don’t know she is irrelevant to your marriage trying times. Your husband’s distraction is a normal woe or challenge that beset every home, the length to which the wildfire goes will now be determined by how much wisdom you exert in curbing it.
How you handle those distraction will be discussed in another article but for the sake of this discourse, the offsprings are my concern. Let your marriage give to them the love they deserve. Fan the fire of your love with wisdom and handle delicate issue wisely. No man can’t be handled when his password is safely kept. Its your marriage not the community marriage, you letting other people’s opinion count will rather cause more hazards than good. For your man’s attention to be divided, you need to understand what you are not doing right or what he is not seeing well. It takes two to tango as much as it also takes two to be in a fight.
Just like in the case of Deborah, she had given the man too much privileges in the past that had made it difficult for him to cope when she lost her job. It can’t be now that their marriage is amid storm that the husband became less caring, that trait must have been in him all along and she must definitely not have been paying attention. His physical abuse must have started as an emotional torture while they were courting if at all they ever had one.
Every child requires to be attended to, they need their father’s 100% attention, as well as their mother’s undivided commitment. Marriage is the basis of their happy living and that must be sacredly watched!
It is important to note that family is the building block of our society. As it is the place where everyone begins life and to which we all belong. The more e very member of a family belongs to each other, the more each individual and each family thrive. When rejection occurs in the family, especially between the parents the entire family and especially the children, is in disarray.
The children of parents who reject each other suffer: in deep emotional pain, ill health, depression, anxiety, even shortened life span; more drop out of school, less go to universities, they earn less income, they develop more addictions to drugs and alcohol, and they engage in increased violence or suffer it within their homes.
Society also suffers with more gangs, more assaults, more violence against women and children, more sexual abuse of women and children, and much bigger bills for jails, increased need for health care, supplemental education, addiction programs, foster care, homelessness programs and on and on. The expansion of all these social program budgets is directly linked to the breakdown in marriage which is caused by somebody giving up on the union she had spent all her life preparing for.
When mothers and fathers belong to each other and strive to belong to God in worship the greatest strengths emerge and the least problems are present.
My name is Ezekiel Adewale Fatomilola, till you get to read more relationship uplifting articles from me again, keep walking the MARRIAGE JOURNEY storm free.
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