By: Olansile Ajetunmobi Umar (OAU)
[Analyses]–The moment a spouse believes that cutting the troat of his or her partner is the only and immediate solution to his or her marital misunderstanding, then, something is wrong with the moral upbringing or the mental health of either of the spouses. The rate at which married women now cut shot the ‘sacred’ lives of their husbands calls for an immediate attention ; though, some men have also done that in the past months. For instance, some days ago, Maryam Sanda stabbed his husband, Bilyamin Bello, son of the former PDP Chairman, Haliru Bello. She accused him of infidelity! In October 10, 2017, Augustina poured acid on her husband, Raymond Ihugba also because of infidelity. Unfortunately, Raymond didn’t survive the attack! In September, Stephen Akpata stabbed her wife, Onyinye Eze in Bayelsa also because of lack of trust in marriage. Another man, Obinna stabbed his pregnant wife, Akaleme Chinyere to death. Folorunso Idoko in Lagos also stabbed her husband, Lawrence, having accused him of infidelity! Around July in Osogbo, a woman, Omotayo Salawudeen, got a service of someone to stab her husband, Hakeem. She was reported to be jealous of the second wife Hakeem married! One common thing with almost all these sad occurrences is that they all started with DOMESTIC ABUSE/ VIOLENCE.
The deed has been done – the dead don’t sympathise ; it’s only the living that do. The essence of this treatise is to counsel our wives-to-be, our mothers, husbands-to-be and our fathers. Then, I will proffer a preventive antidote that might be helpful in avoiding an instance like this- through our basic cultural and the religious means.
Our-wives-to-be, always assume that your husbands-to-be might marry another wife based on some circumstances beyond the plans of both of you(I discussed some of these in my article- MI Ò LE FÉ ÀÁFÀ). Though, you don’t like hearing this ; the reality is just that such always happens. A lady who plans for an uncertainty like this will hardly think of stabbing her husband. Yes, you might disagree from the outset, which is natural ; you won’t just have the gut to pull out his esophagus because you have planned for the worst (to call it that way) before your marriage.
To our mothers and fathers, please our house should be a pre-marital college for us (your children). Let us know that every family has issues – one is just more complicated than the other. Let’s us know that using kitchen utensils on each other is not the first or last bus stop when we have misunderstanding with our women and men. Inculcate the real moral, cultural and religious values in us before we marry ; when we marry, don’t stop to. Also, please, never force a love on us! Never tell us to marry the daughter or the son of your friend just because you want a continuity of riches and political respect. When you force us to marry someone of your selfish choice (whom we don’t love), fine, we will ; just don’t expect a happy matrimony from us, shikenna!
Oh dear husbands-to-be and husbands, please, never try to beat your wives! Never tie down your wives all in the name of punishing them! Never torture the psychology of your women ; emotional torture can be deadly and disastrous! If you are not mature psychologically, you had better learn that before venturing into marriage. Never give room for domestic violence ; she will frustrate you wallaahi, but ‘isbir’ -be patient!
Finally, in crisis management, we say a preventive approach is vital to a crisis situation. You prepare ahead of crisis. Contextually, as Muslims, the Prophet admonished us to marry a religious (pious) spouse with excellent character. Beauty, family lineage and wealth are also important, but not at the expense of the first major attribute. Culturally, our fathers would never allow a woman or a man with a violent background to marry their sons and daughters. They would not also allow their children to go into the families of irresponsible individuals. When someone intended to marry their daughters, they did engage themselves in “ìwádìí-” research. This research was to protect their sons and daughters from falling into the hands of prey and wolves. Do we still do this? It’s therefore my humble submission that FOR US TO HAVE A DRASTIC REDUCTION IN A SPOUSE KILLING THE OTHER, WE NEED TO REVISIT THESE CULTURAL, MORAL AND RELIGIOUS APPROACHES IN SELECTING A PARTNER.
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