Investigation: the Role of Casual Sex, Government Policies and Marriage in Child Trafficking

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By: Ezekiel Adewale Fatomilola

[Investigation]–Either the lawmakers, the casual sex workers or the married men who patronized them and their wives who push their men out, one or two of these are the major reasons there are many children uncared for, so much that they were trafficked in the first place.

By the way, what’s child trafficking?

According to International Labor organization “Child trafficking is about taking children out of their protective environment and preying on their vulnerability for the purpose of exploitation.”

Last week Friday, I had closed pretty late from my Victoria Island office, 10PM to be exact. At that time it was difficult to get a bike or tricycle, so I had to trek from Idowu Taylor to Law School bus stop, area of VI, Lagos. While moving from my office to the bus stop, I had seen nothing less than ten ladies nudely dressed in strategic corners of the roads.

At some point I didn’t take cognizance, until I came out of Keystone crescent, just at the edge of the street that leads me to the bus stop, I saw this lady of about 21-22 years. She was stunningly pretty, I needed not ask what she was doing there,while I tried to look away, she reached out to me “Hey Oga! Check me out, you can price”.

Well, at that point, getting home was the only thing on my mind, considering the fact that the following weekend tend to be an event packed, I couldn’t even reach that point where I could have made effort to have a chat with her.

Like every other girl in the business,she left her house and informed neighbors and family that she was off to work. Only for one to realize that luring married men out of their marriages was what she does for a living! Don’t judge her yet!

In 2016, I was a research assistant for a firm in Lagos, then, I had been sent to a strippers clubhouse, where most of these ladies make ends meet, somewhere in Pen cinema, area of Agege.

In my pair of Jeans and shirt, I had visited like a regular customer. I was dropped by an uncustomised vehicle of the company, attached a security detail who also was a disguised customer but his own primary assignment was to drink and keep an eye on me.

Unfortunately, I was taken into a room entirely different from where he was, it was as if they knew we were researchers. “They said there was a promotion going on and I seem qualified for the benefit in the VIP.

As a street hussler, I concluded nothing would harm me even if I was in harm’s way, I made up my mind to go on with the script without my security detail.

We spent an hour and half. Having arrived by 10PM, we left some minute to midnight. It was the scariest moment of my life.

One of my discoveries was that some of these ladies were there to revenge on life, while some do it for the money and others, it was already a lifestyle for them. While there, I spoke to nothing less than seven of them at a random positioning and made effort to interact with about five random patronisers like myself, most of whom were older than I was.

Getting to the point, I noticed that most of those men who visited there were married, some that confided in me even at a short time of our meeting revealed that they were doing it to find happiness, others were there easing up stress while some found their ways there due to peer pressure.

You must be wondering how can a grownup be peer motivated to do stuff like that? Oh, yeah! At least two of out of the five men said they were there because their friends were in attendance. While one said he gave up on his marriage that night and had gone there to clear his head.

I inquired from a fair lady who spoke with me mostly in Yoruba how she will handle it if our intercourse lead to pregnancy as I would want to do it without protection “SOS!” she screamed. “That is expensive” while sizing my worth, looking at the costume I was dressed in.

She wouldn’t talk further, I had to bait her. “I had several SOS that led to pregnancy, some went bad, while others almost took my life, they were what you can term worse” Often time, SOS only has the benefits you enjoy in bed and bear the pains for the rest of your life. For your information, SOS means Skin on Skin. May we continue?

This lady had about twenty-five minutes of my time, she introduced me to three of her friends, all of whom were parents. One still married and living under her husband’s roof. Guess what? They were all religious! The central respondent was a worker in a Pentecostal church according to her.

But how she prevented people from knowing her escapade is what I never learnt until we left because my security attachment had to squeeze me out as people started to notice I was not one of them. And my cover was destroyed!

When I wrote my book “The handicapped Hero” how to change the world of those kids at tarmac, slum, under the bridge and every handicapping situation was my goal. I was yet to learn that casual sexual was one major aetieology that needs to be taken into consideration.

However, I just knew Government policies and Marriage were not helping matters.

That night, I learnt that most of the patronisers were married men that can’t afford to divorce their wives even though the marriage had become a liability rather than asset, hence sought alternatives like this, most of our undergraduates and wives with unstable marriages were the servicing agents.

In 2014, I was privileged to deliver a speech at a conference in Sabo, area of Yaba. In this conference, a newly married man had confessed how he had been cheating on his wife. That afternoon, he confessed he was rather considered a prisoner in a prison than being in love.

According to him, his soul, spirit and body were not with the woman he vowed to love forever under any condition. When asked if he had had any experience of any of these slut being put in the family way, he confessed there were many, some chose to lose the pregnancies, while those who went ahead did at their own expense.

At that time, It didn’t occur to me clearly what the man was talking about until I met those ladies in the clubhouse that night.

Vivian, one of the ladies said, when SOS occured, postinor was the next food to take and when that is out of reach they go for “seven up and a drug” she never mentioned. She requested it be kept away.

According to her, politicians and musicians were their good customers. While men like me seem to be a nightmare they never prayed to come across. In her words, men like me is rather tagged “bad market”

Going by this statement, I guess that was why other girls only gave monosyllabic responses when I had met with them and why she opened up seemed strange to me. So much that prior to meeting her, I had called my boss to inform him of the generic responses we were getting which was not helping the thousands of Naira the project had gulped. To drive the points home, researches like this can help governments come up with policies that can enrich lives and which will put an end to these endemic nightmares for marriages.

You won’t blame most men who go to these ladies. I had discovered most wives don’t care how their husbands fare sexually when they have kids. In other words, what their husbands’ sexual life is, stops to be their concerns. “Some won’t even allow you sleep with them except they are in the mood or want to make another baby” said one of the men who was peer motivated.

Empirical evidence from the investigation shows that often times, wives who don’t allow their husbands their right to sex were doing that to get back at them for their wrongdoings.

If only they know that they are just pushing out these men to taste other lose women around who would not only have a night stand with them but will do everything at all costs to have them children.

In 2016, I was on a field mission in Isinkwo Mgbom, area of Okposi, Ohaozara, Ebonyi state. I had met a fifteen-year-old girl who had been sleeping with corps members at that time, in our discussion, she told me how she was born and what led to her inability to control her libido.

She was raised in an environment where she was repeatedly abused by the husband of her then guardian as her mother had abandoned her when she was just a year and some months old.

By the time we met, she was having sex for a living. The fact is that she was beckoned with the upkeep of her siblings. And the sex she engages in with different men were geared towards making ends meet. Even though she gave some for free.

All the siblings she has come about as a result of the mother’s way of life in Port Harcourt where she lived. Every time the mother was pregnant, she would come home to bear the child, dump the infant and went back to her former life. With the Pen cinema research, most of the confession of Adannaya were things women with lose vagina have caused us.

For many years, human traffickers sponsor girls to Europe where they are forced to engage in prostitution to pay back their sponsors who are fondly called “madams.” It is simply sex slavery. The trade had badly damaged Nigeria’s image abroad.

If government policies make some women bag jail terms while the children, product of this sexual misdoings are put in the correctional homes, I’m sure those ass will be properly guided.

So also men, if they are imprisoned for being irresponsible fathers, most of them will live up to be the fathers they should.

If a man says because his wife isn’t playing her marital role and he can’t divorce her, nor seek professional help, let such men get sex dolls and stop sleeping around with women to procreate children with no fathers!

If our government could be as proactive as a monarch, in the person of Oba of Benin, who took a drastic step to curb the act of trafficking girls into sex slavery in and out of the country.

Casual sex could be a job licensed like every other profession, I have no business with them but when they shatter marriages, and bring us children with no fathers and render our family institution useless, then I think it should be long heard of, as it has overstayed it’s welcome.

A few days after the Oba’s pronouncement, some of the trafficked girls posted two videos on the social media, vowing not to pay their traffickers.

In one of the videos, an Austrian-based girl, who identified herself as Joy, vowed not to pay further money to her Madam.

She narrated how she came to Europe through Libya two years ago, adding that she was told to pay 30,000 Euro by her Madam so as to be free.

She said: ‘’I don’t have a good job because I have no document. And my Madam expects me to get the money through prostitution and I can no longer cope. I was sleeping in a train station before I was able to get a small house where I live now. I have been paying that money back to my Madam since then. But I thank God when I heard about the Oba’s curse because I need to plan my future and stop being a slave to a woman.

Unlike in the past, these days to be a baby mama with no legit union is trending, being a single father is fashionable nowadays and I wonder whither we go!

We spend hours on our phones, laptops and other devices, just look around any tube carriage. We don’t look at each other, let alone talk to one another. My tip is: heads up, eyes open. You might see a young girl improperly dressed for the weather with a visibly older man, with sorrow and fear in her eyes. Trust your instincts. If it doesn’t look right or feel right, make the call. You could save a life.

Share this information with your friends and family. Have a conversation with your kids, nieces or siblings. Talk with them about human trafficking and learn more about it together. Lastly, if you see something, DO something. Put this number in your phone, in case you live in Lagos, Nigeria. It’s the Lagos State Emergency Hotline–767 and 112 You can call 24/7 and all calls are anonymous.

Ezekiel Fatomilola is author of the book “The Handicapped Hero” with relevant age long experience in relationship coaching and emphasis on professionalism. Connect with him across his social media handles:  Facebook(https://facebook.com/Maritalpsychologist), Instagram (@Maritalpsychologist), Twitter (@Maritalpsy)and LinkedIn (Ezekiel Adewale Fatomilola)




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